OK
So in my opinion the most fucked up to date.
No really.
This is on the uber there's nothing left to loose side of fucked up.
Just say, for instance, hubby leaves me, takes kids, I have no where to go, no money,no hope,no nothing. Well this is a viable option in my opinion.
And here is why.
You get medical attention, something I love by the way. (but i don't deliberately make it, this is worst case scenario here people keep that in mind, i DO NOT HAVE MUNCHHAUSEN SYNDROME), and after you get time in a safe,warm mental institution for as long as you can play the crazy card. And for me, that would be easy as I can act like a mutha fucker.
I kinda hope I never have to use this one.
I actually kinda scares me.
But I could lump the elude and run from and fight with cops one in here but still this is kinda scary.
Sad thing is I even know where I would do this and what time of the year, hey i do not want poison ivy again and I need to be able to avoid the PI also.
Someday I might post the pic of where and what time of year just so you uber righteous freaks, and to me YOU are the freaks, can alert the local PD if you figure out where and they will put extra patrols there and maybe even bring the party van to my door and I will say "hey yall it's just horror fic. I am a writer, like the female Steven King, only more gore and twizted." they will leave and you will look like a fool.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
LOSS OF CONCIOUSNESS
I know I know.
They CLAIM it causes brain damage.
I could live with a few less of these annoying cells. LOL
NO really my brain just pisses me off.
I even know how when and where I want all these incidences to take place.
We have a greenbelt here. I want at least 2 there. Tried all this summer to get heat stroke to no avail. Going to go for it again next summer as often as possible.
I mean I really do not know what its like to pass the fuck on out.
I have never.
I would like to know what this is like.
The other place would be like in the er. Maybe piggy back several FUL items together.
Also, and yall will either love this or hate it, at a so called family gathering like Christmas or something. I mean at EVERY and I do mean EVERY family get together there is some bullshit drama about money (except perfect Kyles wedding that was all drama about me being there, i have no idea why and all i wanted to do was leave) and well i think it would be so awesome if I could just go unconscious and need EMS right after hubbys dad starting his money bullshit games.
Thats it.
For now.
Might add to this or any blog if a new desire/want comes up.
Just keep watching.
They CLAIM it causes brain damage.
I could live with a few less of these annoying cells. LOL
NO really my brain just pisses me off.
I even know how when and where I want all these incidences to take place.
We have a greenbelt here. I want at least 2 there. Tried all this summer to get heat stroke to no avail. Going to go for it again next summer as often as possible.
I mean I really do not know what its like to pass the fuck on out.
I have never.
I would like to know what this is like.
The other place would be like in the er. Maybe piggy back several FUL items together.
Also, and yall will either love this or hate it, at a so called family gathering like Christmas or something. I mean at EVERY and I do mean EVERY family get together there is some bullshit drama about money (except perfect Kyles wedding that was all drama about me being there, i have no idea why and all i wanted to do was leave) and well i think it would be so awesome if I could just go unconscious and need EMS right after hubbys dad starting his money bullshit games.
Thats it.
For now.
Might add to this or any blog if a new desire/want comes up.
Just keep watching.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
CARPEL TUNNEL
Looks like this one is starting again.
I have actually been relativly symptom free for many years.
I was first diagnosed back when I was 20 but after months of braces it basically went away.
IT would be a bitch once or twice a year for a few days to up to 2 wks with the numbness and slight pain but it was deal able.
But now its almost a constant.
I am planning on just ignoring it as I do not want his family saying that I want attention and then refusing help because they think I am doing it to take away from his carpel tunnel.
Eventually, like with 95% of what goes wrong with me I will HAVE to go get it looked at and HOPE the dr fixes it and not just here wear these again and hope it goes away.
Fuck that shit.
I want the surgery, and attention from it.
However, because he has it I will be given 6 tones of shit if I get the surgery first or even second being told that I am just looking for attention.
I wish.
OK yeah I do wish. I wish I had found a better man with a better family that I wouldn't have to say or be made to feel these things.
Yes I do want the surgery because I just want it gone. No lets do this half ass and hope. I am tired of that shit. Just make it go the fuck away so I can move the fuck on.
And please let me enjoy my convelese and not have to do laundry and dishes the next day. Yes that has happened before. The day after my c-section and six weeks later after my tubal surgery the very next day I was expected to be up doing both because he would say i will do that and then 4 hours later it would still not be done and he was still playing video games and his mom said I will come over and help and then had some bull shit excuse as to why she couldn't. And they wonder why I wanna leave.
It's back and has been for several days and this time i had the spike in the wrist feeling which means its getting worse but I still need to wait until its crippling because fuck yeah I wanna be carved on.
Normal life.
Normal shit.
That's all I want.
And to me this is normal.
I have actually been relativly symptom free for many years.
I was first diagnosed back when I was 20 but after months of braces it basically went away.
IT would be a bitch once or twice a year for a few days to up to 2 wks with the numbness and slight pain but it was deal able.
But now its almost a constant.
I am planning on just ignoring it as I do not want his family saying that I want attention and then refusing help because they think I am doing it to take away from his carpel tunnel.
Eventually, like with 95% of what goes wrong with me I will HAVE to go get it looked at and HOPE the dr fixes it and not just here wear these again and hope it goes away.
Fuck that shit.
I want the surgery, and attention from it.
However, because he has it I will be given 6 tones of shit if I get the surgery first or even second being told that I am just looking for attention.
I wish.
OK yeah I do wish. I wish I had found a better man with a better family that I wouldn't have to say or be made to feel these things.
Yes I do want the surgery because I just want it gone. No lets do this half ass and hope. I am tired of that shit. Just make it go the fuck away so I can move the fuck on.
And please let me enjoy my convelese and not have to do laundry and dishes the next day. Yes that has happened before. The day after my c-section and six weeks later after my tubal surgery the very next day I was expected to be up doing both because he would say i will do that and then 4 hours later it would still not be done and he was still playing video games and his mom said I will come over and help and then had some bull shit excuse as to why she couldn't. And they wonder why I wanna leave.
It's back and has been for several days and this time i had the spike in the wrist feeling which means its getting worse but I still need to wait until its crippling because fuck yeah I wanna be carved on.
Normal life.
Normal shit.
That's all I want.
And to me this is normal.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
ACCIDENTAL BAD CUT
When I say accidental I mean like for real accidental. Like cutting up veggies/meat or stepping on something or add it in with the auto accident or possibly falling down a hill.
Whatever or however I want it to be er worthy and stiches worthy and like deep and bad to the point of battle scar. But with my luck it usualy heals so well the battle scar is not very visible and that pisses me off. I like my battle scars.
I have another cutting FUL but that one will be for another day.
Whatever or however I want it to be er worthy and stiches worthy and like deep and bad to the point of battle scar. But with my luck it usualy heals so well the battle scar is not very visible and that pisses me off. I like my battle scars.
I have another cutting FUL but that one will be for another day.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
EMERGENCY GALL BLADDER SURGERY
This one is looking very highly in the works.
Since May it's been gearing up.
Yeah, I COULD go to dr and get it delt with but it's on my list and I have done the research and it wont kill me to let it go caustic (unlike the appendix) and I would like a few emergency surgeries.
Do no know how many precicely but when I am done wanting them I will stop doing things to encourage them.
Shut up.
Your fucked up too or you would not be reading this.
Since May it's been gearing up.
Yeah, I COULD go to dr and get it delt with but it's on my list and I have done the research and it wont kill me to let it go caustic (unlike the appendix) and I would like a few emergency surgeries.
Do no know how many precicely but when I am done wanting them I will stop doing things to encourage them.
Shut up.
Your fucked up too or you would not be reading this.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
T-BONE CAR ACCIDENT
Ah yes.
Another one hubbys g d family tried to take from me.
I guess they did in a way.
His mom and dad got it but it wasn't a full on real t bone it was back from the b pillar just enough to not be a full on one so I can still get this one with out feeling too bad.
I know.
I should not feel bad about illness/injury/accident just because hubbys family has/had it but I do.
I feel like they will be all butt hurt or think I did it to get attention.
OK no lies, I would like the attention but not because someone else had/has.
They have a lot of stuff I want nothing to do with.
Back to the title->
It has to be on my side of the vehicle and my kids CAN NOT be in the car. This is for me not them and it would then be all about them and I would have to take back burner again (like the OR accident) and I am so fucking tired of that.
That's all, for today...
AND NOW MORE...
Had an awesome dream about this happening.
Still not exactly as I would make it happen if i could.
It wasn't right on the drivers door it was right behind the drivers side headlight on the other car and the A pillar in the drivers side of the car we currently have,
Blew a shit ton of glass out of the car and i got all cut up and my back swelled so bad i couldn't walk for a while and i had some kind of brain injury but no broken bones, dang it.
Anyway the car had to be all cut up to get me out, i know cause hubby showed me pics.
I was alone, thank the Force.
I had peeled out onto the main road because i was all pissed at our neighbors again because hypochondriac neighbor lady was all whining about shit and hubby was buying into it and i was just plain fed with her shit (which I am IRL BTW).
Apparently hubby had yet to replace the crap battery in the car and what should have been an easy trip across traffic, the car stalled refused to restart and an inattentive driver in an older model black compact Toyota (I THINK) *WHAM* right into the car. He tried to stop, laid impressive rubber, but his breaks were going or something and he couldn't stop in time.
SO there it is, another "sorta getting what I want" but in a dream.
Now, hopefully this wont get stolen from me by like hubby or something.
That would just piss me off to the point of almost, if not, just saying you take too much of my stuff go fuck yourself i am leaving you so there is no one to take the shit I want.
Another one hubbys g d family tried to take from me.
I guess they did in a way.
His mom and dad got it but it wasn't a full on real t bone it was back from the b pillar just enough to not be a full on one so I can still get this one with out feeling too bad.
I know.
I should not feel bad about illness/injury/accident just because hubbys family has/had it but I do.
I feel like they will be all butt hurt or think I did it to get attention.
OK no lies, I would like the attention but not because someone else had/has.
They have a lot of stuff I want nothing to do with.
Back to the title->
It has to be on my side of the vehicle and my kids CAN NOT be in the car. This is for me not them and it would then be all about them and I would have to take back burner again (like the OR accident) and I am so fucking tired of that.
That's all, for today...
AND NOW MORE...
Had an awesome dream about this happening.
Still not exactly as I would make it happen if i could.
It wasn't right on the drivers door it was right behind the drivers side headlight on the other car and the A pillar in the drivers side of the car we currently have,
Blew a shit ton of glass out of the car and i got all cut up and my back swelled so bad i couldn't walk for a while and i had some kind of brain injury but no broken bones, dang it.
Anyway the car had to be all cut up to get me out, i know cause hubby showed me pics.
I was alone, thank the Force.
I had peeled out onto the main road because i was all pissed at our neighbors again because hypochondriac neighbor lady was all whining about shit and hubby was buying into it and i was just plain fed with her shit (which I am IRL BTW).
Apparently hubby had yet to replace the crap battery in the car and what should have been an easy trip across traffic, the car stalled refused to restart and an inattentive driver in an older model black compact Toyota (I THINK) *WHAM* right into the car. He tried to stop, laid impressive rubber, but his breaks were going or something and he couldn't stop in time.
SO there it is, another "sorta getting what I want" but in a dream.
Now, hopefully this wont get stolen from me by like hubby or something.
That would just piss me off to the point of almost, if not, just saying you take too much of my stuff go fuck yourself i am leaving you so there is no one to take the shit I want.
Monday, October 8, 2012
The HEART ATTACK
Let me lead with I have a heart condition so this one is highly possible.
I would like to have one.
Just mild to medium one.
Not one that would require surgery or anything. Open heart surgery scares the living fuck outta me.
But one bad enough to get me 2 days in the hospital and everyone being told that I am not to be stressed out.
I have already been told this.
In 1997 the heart condition reared its ugly head and put me in the er but all they did was watch it for a few hours and run some stupid blood tests take an xray and told me to go home and get rest. HA! I was put to work twice as hard the next day by the old hag.
Yes hubby knows I am not to be stressed out. Now more than ever with the diabetes also but well no one here gives a shit either so it's just a matter of time with this FUL item to be checked off.
Also my 7 yo is in er right now he poked himself in the eye with a chewed on glow stick (yes I told him not to chew it, and obviously...). That kid is using up all his er cards on jakassery way to fast. I still have a stack of jackassery cards and a stack of er cards and a stack of ambulance cards and I wanna play them. OK maybe not the jackassery cards so much but the other 2 would be nice.
I would like to have one.
Just mild to medium one.
Not one that would require surgery or anything. Open heart surgery scares the living fuck outta me.
But one bad enough to get me 2 days in the hospital and everyone being told that I am not to be stressed out.
I have already been told this.
In 1997 the heart condition reared its ugly head and put me in the er but all they did was watch it for a few hours and run some stupid blood tests take an xray and told me to go home and get rest. HA! I was put to work twice as hard the next day by the old hag.
Yes hubby knows I am not to be stressed out. Now more than ever with the diabetes also but well no one here gives a shit either so it's just a matter of time with this FUL item to be checked off.
Also my 7 yo is in er right now he poked himself in the eye with a chewed on glow stick (yes I told him not to chew it, and obviously...). That kid is using up all his er cards on jakassery way to fast. I still have a stack of jackassery cards and a stack of er cards and a stack of ambulance cards and I wanna play them. OK maybe not the jackassery cards so much but the other 2 would be nice.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
the FUL broken leg
Yes I know.
Most people want to avoid this.
But,
My adoptive mom being what she was it was clear to us all that breaking a bone in anything other than the hand or foot was forbidden. Because hand or foot they cant really do anything about, or so she had us believe so she could just tell us to tough it out and do what she said. I now know that's bs, they can fix it, she just didn't give a shit about us so we had to play careful. No football,volleyball, soccer or basketball or track. That was my bad. I took them both and almost broke my arm in basketball (which she promptly made me quit) and blew out my shoulder in track throwing. Totally not all my fault though i knew I had hurt it on the first throw and the coach made take the second and I tore the hell out of it. And no more track ever again for me. Which sucked because I LOVE throwing stuff.
Back to the broken leg...
Not the femur. Take to long to fix and I am needing a surgery that would fuck up so like the lower leg would work. In fact that's the one I want and maybe we could roll it into a car accident and get a 2fer (will be in another post so keep watching).
Most people want to avoid this.
But,
My adoptive mom being what she was it was clear to us all that breaking a bone in anything other than the hand or foot was forbidden. Because hand or foot they cant really do anything about, or so she had us believe so she could just tell us to tough it out and do what she said. I now know that's bs, they can fix it, she just didn't give a shit about us so we had to play careful. No football,volleyball, soccer or basketball or track. That was my bad. I took them both and almost broke my arm in basketball (which she promptly made me quit) and blew out my shoulder in track throwing. Totally not all my fault though i knew I had hurt it on the first throw and the coach made take the second and I tore the hell out of it. And no more track ever again for me. Which sucked because I LOVE throwing stuff.
Back to the broken leg...
Not the femur. Take to long to fix and I am needing a surgery that would fuck up so like the lower leg would work. In fact that's the one I want and maybe we could roll it into a car accident and get a 2fer (will be in another post so keep watching).
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Not a fucking gain... & appendicitis FUL
...I was all geared up this AM.
The right pain.
Diarrhea.
All the goodies and then just like with labor, BAM! It stopped :(
Why can't be normal?
I just want to be friggin normal and get sick normal and hurt normal and normal, normal, normal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK.
Now to what I promised you.
The first entry on the FUCKED UP LIST.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDICITIS
I wanna get this.
Belive I mentioned it in yesterdays post and as to why I want to get it now. SO I wont bore you with all those details again.
I am available for focused intent from Saturday 5pm to Tuesday morning 2am. Mountain time.
Focus your intents during those hours.
Not much more to say on this one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 1 2012
Not sure if appendicitis or hernia
Been in near constant, but deal-able, pain since last night in the right area
Have been told that appendicitis can fester for days before taking you down so hoping for production this Saturday around 5pm
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well it crapped out again because so douche is all about saving the world. FUCK YOU!
The right pain.
Diarrhea.
All the goodies and then just like with labor, BAM! It stopped :(
Why can't be normal?
I just want to be friggin normal and get sick normal and hurt normal and normal, normal, normal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK.
Now to what I promised you.
The first entry on the FUCKED UP LIST.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDICITIS
I wanna get this.
Belive I mentioned it in yesterdays post and as to why I want to get it now. SO I wont bore you with all those details again.
I am available for focused intent from Saturday 5pm to Tuesday morning 2am. Mountain time.
Focus your intents during those hours.
Not much more to say on this one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 1 2012
Not sure if appendicitis or hernia
Been in near constant, but deal-able, pain since last night in the right area
Have been told that appendicitis can fester for days before taking you down so hoping for production this Saturday around 5pm
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well it crapped out again because so douche is all about saving the world. FUCK YOU!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Before you freek out...
...just let me say...
PLEASE DO NOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES!
OK
SO
WHO is the douchebag that reported this?
This horror fiction! ASSWAD!
Geeze grow the fuck up.
I don't write porn, I don't write cute fluffy bunnies,I don't write lame ass crap.
I write HORROR! I write GORE! I write FICTION!
This is just for fun. Like Steven King and Clive Barker.
I am in no way serious about any of this. It was just for my enjoyment and anyone else that's into this kind of thing. If it's not your thing then fuck right off and go read fluffy bunnies. I will hunt down your fluffy bunnies and write a horror fiction about them to so just go back to your soap box and leave me alone.
Yes,
this is a LOT of fucked up.
But,
there is a good reason for it.
What the fuck is that you ask.
I shall tell you.
It all started with those fucking bucket lists.And the stupid movie.
You know stuff you want to achieve/do before kicking the proverbial bucket.
Well as much fun as it would be to go to every water park in Wisconsin Dells (and for me that would be fun), or get my haunted attraction up and running (also buckets of fun, and blood), I figured why not have a FUCKED UP LIST.
A FUCKED UP LIST would have the bad things on it. The bad things you want/feel the need to experience/do.
At first I was just gonna keep it to myself because, well, people are fickle and strange and might think I was off my nut (just a little as we all are) and have me put away when in all reality we all have one, FUCKED UP LIST, we just do not have the proverbial balls to talk/write/admit to it. I, on the other hand, am. Obviously.
In my opinion we should all have one, FUCKED UP LIST. It grounds us, centers us, and lets us know just how much of freak we are. And in each of our own special ways we are all freaks.
How am I a freak? Other than this blog and my love of all things scary/Halloween/freeky? I will let you know. I hardly ever get sick or hurt, anymore. I used to. But my dead adoptive mom was hateful to me so on very few occasions did she allow me the pleasure of being hurt/sick. Once she even said that myself, my nephue, & nieces (her grand children BTW) could not get medical help after a very bad rear end accident because her son had to be in the CPS office the next day to do paper work for getting custody of his daughter (one of the a fore mentioned nieces). Needless to say 2 days later my nephue was rushed to the er with sever back pain and later that day I passed out from internal head trauma. I however did not get to go to the er as it would have caused trouble. You see, with adoptive mom, she either approved fully or disapproved fully and mostly it was disapproved fully, especially with me, and medical care. She believed I was a faker looking for attention. AS IF! I am afraid of DRs. And not because of her.
Anyway,
Back to the project at hand and more of my twized ranting.
I felt the urge to start this list back in May 2012 after hubby got appendicitis.
Truthfully appendicitis had totally not even been in my head since I was a teen in HS. Every teen/school ager wants appendicitis to have a legal excuse to not be in the school for like a while and get all babied and stuff. Don't lie, you know it's true. OK go ahead and lie to yourself, I don't care.
But, then it started bugging me and hasn't let up. I am 42 right now. I do not want appendicitis at 80 and die from it, duh. Better to get it out of the way right now while I can fight it better, right? Well I think so.
SO a few days after he got home my sick little brain started adding to the list. And yes at first I so swear it was my brain an not me adding to it because well, even now I get guilted when I get sick. I don't know why, people just do. I guess because of my adoptive mom making me so tough I don't act like you normals when I am injured/ill so people have a hard time believing But, well, I don't fake ill/injured, duh, karma, shes a bitch sometime. How do I know? Once I did fake ill to get time away from everyone and went to bed and slept and when i woke up I WAS SICK and I puked. Never fake it people, just let it happen.
Back to the primary...
After a few days I just gave the fuck in and decided that having this list in my head wasn't such a bad thing. I mean, I really just want to look normal. Ya know, get hurt/sick like all the rest of you normals. I am tired of looking like this freak that's so lucky. Your not really saying lucky, it's more like you freak whats wrong with you? Or not wrong with you. Maybe you do think I am lucky. I think you are lucky to be normal and I hate my lack of normal and I want that normal.
I think I have some kind of weird medical fetish but not like cos play type fetish but like wanting the medical attention but not making it happen just hoping and letting nature/God handle it and if i get it, I get it, if I don't I don't. OK, yeah, I do like medical attention and I actually crave it but not on a Munchhausen scale, just like regular stuff, except for a few FUL entries which would be by my hand and my hand only, I LIKE BEING IN THE ER/HOSPITAL, but figure this, I HATE the Dr. office. Yeah I know, fucked up. Never ,ever said I was normal, now did I?
Yeah I got the diabetes, type 2, and I am winning that BTW. But I want ALL the normal.
If you want to know what all of my FUCKED UP LIST is follow this blog. I plan on trying to add to it every day that I can. Both blog wise and sharing my FUCKED UP LIST with you. I would also like to see a FUCKED UP LIST revolution start. Start your own FUL blog. Share the link with me and I will add it to my daily, or near daily, post.
We all need to admit that we all have some fucked up in us all and embrace it as just part of us.
All this having been said, I need to pee, set my oldests game timer and get back to my other work, which can be seen here: http://www.cafepress.com/offthewall5
Visit my store, buy my stuff, help me pay my bills.
Freaks to us all and have a fucked up day.
Love Lady T and Isha
PLEASE DO NOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES!
OK
SO
WHO is the douchebag that reported this?
This horror fiction! ASSWAD!
Geeze grow the fuck up.
I don't write porn, I don't write cute fluffy bunnies,I don't write lame ass crap.
I write HORROR! I write GORE! I write FICTION!
This is just for fun. Like Steven King and Clive Barker.
I am in no way serious about any of this. It was just for my enjoyment and anyone else that's into this kind of thing. If it's not your thing then fuck right off and go read fluffy bunnies. I will hunt down your fluffy bunnies and write a horror fiction about them to so just go back to your soap box and leave me alone.
Yes,
this is a LOT of fucked up.
But,
there is a good reason for it.
What the fuck is that you ask.
I shall tell you.
It all started with those fucking bucket lists.And the stupid movie.
You know stuff you want to achieve/do before kicking the proverbial bucket.
Well as much fun as it would be to go to every water park in Wisconsin Dells (and for me that would be fun), or get my haunted attraction up and running (also buckets of fun, and blood), I figured why not have a FUCKED UP LIST.
A FUCKED UP LIST would have the bad things on it. The bad things you want/feel the need to experience/do.
At first I was just gonna keep it to myself because, well, people are fickle and strange and might think I was off my nut (just a little as we all are) and have me put away when in all reality we all have one, FUCKED UP LIST, we just do not have the proverbial balls to talk/write/admit to it. I, on the other hand, am. Obviously.
In my opinion we should all have one, FUCKED UP LIST. It grounds us, centers us, and lets us know just how much of freak we are. And in each of our own special ways we are all freaks.
How am I a freak? Other than this blog and my love of all things scary/Halloween/freeky? I will let you know. I hardly ever get sick or hurt, anymore. I used to. But my dead adoptive mom was hateful to me so on very few occasions did she allow me the pleasure of being hurt/sick. Once she even said that myself, my nephue, & nieces (her grand children BTW) could not get medical help after a very bad rear end accident because her son had to be in the CPS office the next day to do paper work for getting custody of his daughter (one of the a fore mentioned nieces). Needless to say 2 days later my nephue was rushed to the er with sever back pain and later that day I passed out from internal head trauma. I however did not get to go to the er as it would have caused trouble. You see, with adoptive mom, she either approved fully or disapproved fully and mostly it was disapproved fully, especially with me, and medical care. She believed I was a faker looking for attention. AS IF! I am afraid of DRs. And not because of her.
Anyway,
Back to the project at hand and more of my twized ranting.
I felt the urge to start this list back in May 2012 after hubby got appendicitis.
Truthfully appendicitis had totally not even been in my head since I was a teen in HS. Every teen/school ager wants appendicitis to have a legal excuse to not be in the school for like a while and get all babied and stuff. Don't lie, you know it's true. OK go ahead and lie to yourself, I don't care.
But, then it started bugging me and hasn't let up. I am 42 right now. I do not want appendicitis at 80 and die from it, duh. Better to get it out of the way right now while I can fight it better, right? Well I think so.
SO a few days after he got home my sick little brain started adding to the list. And yes at first I so swear it was my brain an not me adding to it because well, even now I get guilted when I get sick. I don't know why, people just do. I guess because of my adoptive mom making me so tough I don't act like you normals when I am injured/ill so people have a hard time believing But, well, I don't fake ill/injured, duh, karma, shes a bitch sometime. How do I know? Once I did fake ill to get time away from everyone and went to bed and slept and when i woke up I WAS SICK and I puked. Never fake it people, just let it happen.
Back to the primary...
After a few days I just gave the fuck in and decided that having this list in my head wasn't such a bad thing. I mean, I really just want to look normal. Ya know, get hurt/sick like all the rest of you normals. I am tired of looking like this freak that's so lucky. Your not really saying lucky, it's more like you freak whats wrong with you? Or not wrong with you. Maybe you do think I am lucky. I think you are lucky to be normal and I hate my lack of normal and I want that normal.
I think I have some kind of weird medical fetish but not like cos play type fetish but like wanting the medical attention but not making it happen just hoping and letting nature/God handle it and if i get it, I get it, if I don't I don't. OK, yeah, I do like medical attention and I actually crave it but not on a Munchhausen scale, just like regular stuff, except for a few FUL entries which would be by my hand and my hand only, I LIKE BEING IN THE ER/HOSPITAL, but figure this, I HATE the Dr. office. Yeah I know, fucked up. Never ,ever said I was normal, now did I?
Yeah I got the diabetes, type 2, and I am winning that BTW. But I want ALL the normal.
If you want to know what all of my FUCKED UP LIST is follow this blog. I plan on trying to add to it every day that I can. Both blog wise and sharing my FUCKED UP LIST with you. I would also like to see a FUCKED UP LIST revolution start. Start your own FUL blog. Share the link with me and I will add it to my daily, or near daily, post.
We all need to admit that we all have some fucked up in us all and embrace it as just part of us.
All this having been said, I need to pee, set my oldests game timer and get back to my other work, which can be seen here: http://www.cafepress.com/offthewall5
Visit my store, buy my stuff, help me pay my bills.
Freaks to us all and have a fucked up day.
Love Lady T and Isha
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